Yesterday a regular customer came in, that oh so familiar face of that regular pain in my backside! He knows the prices, he’s been here a million times, yet he always acts like he’s in shock by it.

Every. Single. Time.

“What?!” He says staring at his order. “That’s fucking ridiculous!” His plum in mouth way of speaking makes the swearing sound less harsh but you know he’s doing it for dramatic effect. He must have said that at least three times while muttering his utter nonsense. You know, I was stood there thinking ‘I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to be responding right now’ but there were no words. I knew that I was meant to be humouring him, pacifying him, but… nothing! The words just weren’t there. I was just stood there looking at him like a complete dumb ass. I must have looked uncharacteristically confused or something because he suddenly said “I’m so sorry, this isn’t your fault but it is fucking ridiculous you know” there it was again, fucking ridiculous. And there I remained, staring at him like he was speaking gobbledegook. ‘Come on, say something. Anything.’ Then my brain kicked in – unfortunately not as well as I had hoped: “Well the prices haven’t changed since the last time we had this conversation.” What?! Did I just say that out loud?! At least my brain didn’t fart a swear word. Every cloud, right?! 😬


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